For a Moment, I want to be seen

For a moment, I want to be seen 

It’s not validation I am seeking, 

Just to know that I am here and present.

It’s difficult to express myself almost all the time, 

To find the right words
Or 

The right emotions to pour out. 

I wish I could express myself often

The way I truly feel,

Be honest about my harships and wellbeing.

Every day I feel like I am vanishing, 

Not just from the world,

But beneath the tsunami of my own thoughts. 

I am more hurt than yesterday, 

Yet I still pretend to be okay. 

The loneliness that has settled in me 

Feels like something 

I have carried since birth. 

Now, I feel as though loneliness 

Has become my forever friend,

One that cannot be undone. 

My voice is shaking, 

My soul is crying, 

The help I need 

Is something I cannot seem to ask for. 

Maybe I need a superpower 

To make all this pain disappear. 

I just don’t know why I get hurt,

Every single time and every single moment. 

It’s not my fault, 

Yet I find myself being a victim repeatedly. 

I don’t want to lose hope, 

Yet I keep getting disappointed. 

I feel like everyone around me 

Uses me more than they should. 

Or maybe I am the one 

Allowing them to use me, the way they want. 

All I know is that 

I want these feelings to stop. 

Giving so much of myself

Doesn’t seem to be helping. 

Every time, I ask myself. 

Every time, I doubt myself.

Yet I still make the same mistakes. 

And still, I don’t know 

Why do I get hurt every time. 

Is the problem me, 

Or are the choices 

I have made for myself? 

I hate being put through these feelings again. 

Yet here I am, 

Standing at the same door once again, 

Wishing someone could help

To be seen again.